Paradoxes

The paradoxes of recovery are truly incredible gifts. Give it away to keep it, surrender to win, pain is the stepping stone to happiness, etc etc etc.

All of those things are true and I feel like I've experienced most of them at one time or another. They are like God's Easter eggs or when you find that extra $20 in your jeans when you do laundry.

What I've found is the trick to those things though is that I have to be in the right place in order to truly accept those paradoxes. I can't accept pain as the pathway to peace if I don't truly believe that A) Good has a plan for me and B) that his plan is for the greater good. But I can't believe those things unless I've truly surrendered and recognize that my plans don't amount to a hill lot beans. So really that means I have to have some steps under my belt first. Then I can start to truly understand.

The paradox of the paradoxes is we have to be in the right place to receive those messages.

Schmuckery

What a revelation. God wants me to be a schmuck. He wants me to live in that space where I wave hi to someone only to realize they are waiving at someone behind me. THAT feeling. That's the feeling here wants me to have.

I'm ok with that. If that's what it takes to do his will I'm willing. It takes the edge off knowing that's how he wants me to feel.

It's important for me to seek that feeling. I need to feel that awkwardness, the fumbling, that generally looking like a boob. Why?

Ego deflation, baby. It's all about the ego deflation. Complete and utter ego deflation. This is also know as humility. Being humble enough to look like a schmuck. Not take myself so seriously. Being willing to do the right thing even if I don't look like I have it all together.

Where? If I need to seek this feeling, where?! Where do I find that feeling. One word. Service. Being of service to my family. Being of service to my fellows. Being of service to anyone at all I can reach out to. Reach out to see if they need a hand.